"To Hear My Soul's Complaint"

Ever since the first of the year, each Sunday Owen would come home and say, "Mom can we read scriptures tonight?" "Of course we can" would be my reply and then, well, it never seemed to happen. I rationalized it by telling myself, "they won't understand 'em anyway"; "they're too young and won't sit still"; "it's just one more thing to add to the nightly routine, do I really want to do this?"

Until this last week, that is. Adam had left for Kansas for the second week in a row (with the third one coming up on Sunday's depature). After we had all dried our tears (some more than others) at seeing Daddy drive off, came the usual question from Owen, "Mom, can we read scriptures tonight?" "Yes, we can." I didn't think it would actually happen.

Afterall, being a "married but single mom" these days, I just didn't see how it was going to work. Bedtime routines take a minimum of 30 minutes longer when I am by myself. Regardless of starting them 30 minutes earlier, the kids always seem to be in bed 45 minutes past their usual bedtime. I am so exhausted by the time they go to bed I just want to collapse. But, there's the laundry to fold (forget putting it away), loads to transfer from the machines, dishes to be done, toys to be picked up (that were "forgotten" before the littles went to bed) and, oh yeah, don't forget studying to be done.

BUT WE DID IT!!!

This was a HUGE deal for all of us. I figured keeping them up a few extra minutes isn't going to hurt them and whatever I needed to get done, was going to be there whether I read them the scriptures or not. I flipped open the scriptures and we dived in. They even wanted me to read 2 chapters to them. So I did. Why stop a good thing, right? Two chapters into our first reading as a family of the Book of Mormon, and things were going well.

I am happy to report that we have read everyday this week, and are even a few chapters ahead of the usual "one chapter a day" routine. I didn't realize how much this was going to impact me until tonight's reading. I was reading 1Ne 9:6, where it reads:

"But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words."

I got choked up at those words when I was reading them. A little while before this, Adam had come into the office asking me, what was the matter. It was a simple and innocent enough question. I don't think he was ready for the torrential downpour of tears that followed. I poured out my heartaches to him and wondering how was I going to get "everything" done all the while being overwhelmed and stressed with his impending depature again on Sunday, and trying to be a good (I'll settle for decent at this point) mom to the kids.

When those words were read in my head, but more importantly in my heart, I was reminded again that I don't have to wonder how it will all get done or, if it will all get done. I am doing what is being asked of me, by Him. I hadn't said a prayer out loud regarding these things - there's just too much to be grateful for and other things of concern. But these thoughts have been deep down in my soul and in my heart for weeks, maybe even months, now.

Despite my uneasy feelings and feelings of doubt, He knew and was there "to hear my soul's complaint" and to answer it with the quiet reassurance that I needed at that moment.