I haven't liked this week very much. Not at all, as a matter of fact. It's been one of those weeks. No matter what I did or didn't do all of me was never enough or good enough. And, frankly, by the looks of me on most days, the week didn't like me. At all.
I've struggled through one of the hardest and most challenging weeks emotionally I've had in a really long time. Frustration brought on a whole new meaning for me. I haven't felt that frustrated with my kids for that length of time ever. Sure, I've been frustrated by them and even angry with them. But, really, NEVER for 5 days in a row.....all day.....everyday.
I went to chruch begrudgingly today. I had no desire whatsoever to go. While there, I kept thinking I wasn't getting anything out of meeting and really wasn't worth it for me to be there. I sent Adam home with Howie who has been sick. I really wanted to be the one to take Howie home. But somewhere in the bottom of my emotional well, the very one I thought was bone dry, it told me to stay and let Adam take him home. So I did.
Finally, the closing song. I opened the hymn book to Hymn 274 - Iron Rod. I was singing along, not very "into it" but doing it so my kids could see the example. Some example, huh? Then, I got to the third verse.
And when temptation's pow'r is nigh,
Our pathway clouded o'er
Upon the rod we can rely
And heaven's aid implore.
I nearly completely broke down in tears. It took the simplest of words to remind me that my Savior is waiting, begging, pleading for me to come to Him with my heavy heart. He will lighten my load and lighten my heart.
THAT was my reason for going to church today. And, for that, I am grateful. The hymn refilled my well and made it possible for me to carry on for the rest of the day. If I have to replay this song in my mind at the beginning of each new day in order for my well to get refilled. I'm grateful that it can be refilled and that I know where I can go to have it refilled.
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